A Bit Of A Laugh

Well, I mean it was really. Flash Gordon Brown trying a bit of razz-a-ma-tazz a la Tony Blair/George 'Dubyah' Bush!

Walked on to the stage with a fixed smile like a clown from the Chipperfield Circus! "I am a serious man for this serious situation" announced the ex-Chancellor of the Exchequer for the last ten years. Why didn't he stop the banking con men ripping us off and leading our country into its current state of affairs when he had control?

Did he really say that he wouldn't use his children politically "as they are people". Sounds like a dig at Tony Bliar (no it is not a spelling mistake). There again Flash Gordon had no hesitation in making use of his wife to give himself a vaudevillian introduction to the conference!

It is a bit of a laugh, with Flash Gordon stating he is the only man to lead us out of this mess and Yes Darling stating he will bring in painful measures and strong medicine to rid the economy of its ills. Meanwhile the rest of their party and the whole of the country would be so happy to see the back of these ten pence incompetents.

Trembling Lips Fights Back......

A haggard and tired looking Flash Gordon has, once again, told the nation "I am the man for the job!"

Well, I do need my wheelie bins emptying more than once a fortnight but I am not totally convinced he would be up to the job!

And the Trembling Increases.....

Not content with sacking the Assistant Whip, Flash Gordon has now sacked Labour's vice chair and envoy to Cyprus - Ms. Joan Ryan, for wanting leadership election papers.

The peasants are revolting and if Flash Gordon keeps sacking people who do not want him, he will have no support left unless you count Yes, Darling!

New PM before Christmas?

Flash Gordon's Trembling Lips..

Flash Gordon's trembling lips, wasn't that a Patsy Cline song?

Every time he opens them he seems to drop himself in the dark, brown sticky stuff and I don't mean chocolate.

"All pensioners and low income households will receive free loft and cavity wall insulation." Flash championed to the populace!

So a sixty year old pensioner phoned the government help line only to be told, "Gordon Brown made a mistake. Only pensioners over seventy are entitled." (Will the Help Line be safe from dismissal, follow the next episode of Dick Barton, Special Agent!)

What good old Flash, the wunderkind who ruined our economy in just ten years, making a mistake? Never!! I say thrice times never!

Well maybe not never, just not every time he opens his honourable gob!!

So up pops Flash's Assistant Whip, Siobhain McDonagh, requesting a debate on the Labour Party's and the country's future and suggesting we need a leadership election.

Well, my fellow citizens of the electorate, we all know for a fact that Flash Gordon has yet to stand in a leadership election and no wonder. So with all the tact of a tyrant he issued Ms. McDonagh with her P45.

Well the first brick of the wall has fallen and we all know what happened to the Berlin Wall.

Immigrant Workers

The old chestnut of immigrant workers crops up again. Seems the majority of people admit the immigrants are doing a good job but then we have street corners full of indigenous unemployed on the dole. Lets face it, the word "benefits" is not fit for purpose, freebies or baksheesh is more suitable.

So the question must be asked. Why is our government paying out dole at such a level that the unemployed will not consider searching for work?

The government should remember it is your and my tax contributions that is funding these unemployed! I recall my father telling me of the situation in the 'thirties. People had more pride and would be too embarrassed to let it be known they were receiving dole also the level of dole payment was at a level that it was more beneficial to be employed.

So let's not blame the immigrants, they are just trying to improve their situation.

Let's put the blame on the government that shirks responsibility, encourages unemployment, is frightened of social reform and unforgivably mismanages our tax contributions and give back to the dole recipients a modicum of pride.

Tesco's 24 Hour Service ???????

Well it seems Tescos 24 hour service is no more!

From ten o'clock at night their manned tills shut down. Paying for shopping is now at the "Less than 10 items" till or the DIY tills. Will this policy be followed during the Christmas period?

The Store Manager's explanation is, "It is company policy." Clear as mud but it apparently covers the ground!

My take is that Tescos are now overstretched finanancially and they are looking to recover their position by whatever means possible - sod the customer and sod the staff. Maybe they should sell off some of the land they have bought up to stop other supermarkets opening in the same area

Free trade less monopoly.

China Deports Tibet Protestors

Though I am lover of most things Chinese, I am sad to see that while everybody, mainly the BBC, Flash Gordon and the the London Olympics gang, are enjoying the handover of the Olympic flag, China quietly deports the multi-national protestors against the occupation of Tibet after ten days in detainment.

The Chinese put on a good Olympics show but like smoke and mirrors, camourflaged their attitude to human rights.

Will Boris Johnson , notwithstanding the treatment of his Turkish grandfather, be sending any 2012 protestors to the Tower of London for duration of those Games?

Attempt on the World Land Speed Record

Apparently two British men are making an attempt on the world land speed record using a wind-powered vehicle at Lake Lefroy, Western Australia. Their British designed and built craft is named 'Greenbird'.

Will Dale Vince and Richard Jenkins have beans for breakfast and use '57 octane' fuel?

Do you look anything like your passport photo?

Lots of you may laugh at the question but how many really look like their passport photo?

Manchester Airport are introducing a facial scan for holders of the new biometric passports. If you pass the scan test you are then allowed to proceed to the next gate. If you don't pass the test you will be directed to immigration officers for further interrogation.

Once the unmanned system swings into operation with success, I think some immigration officers will end up at the Job Centre.

Remind anybody of Total Recall?

...whinging Poms strike back

Don't know whether my Aussie rellies read the papers this morning.

Apparently the whinging mantle has been taken off us by the Aussies. Another title we have lost to the rampant sledgers! Yes, us whinging Poms have lost the title to the new champions of whinge - the macho Aussies.

As Corporal Jones said, "They don't like it up 'em , Sir!"

All this because little UK has more Olympic gold medals than the proud Aussies.

TRAGIC TO MAGIC!!!!!

Immigration to the UK

I am at a loss to understand people who come to my country as immigrants.

When they first arrive on our shores they appear to accept any laws or traditions or cultures which are in existence. After several years residence and an increase in the their numbers they ask us to accept their way of religion, dress and way of life from their country of origin. Requests!!

As time passes these requests turn into demands.

EXCUSE ME!!

Aren't you newcomers to our shores suppose to be integrating into our society. Practice your religion, by all means, show us your culture, by all means but please do not try to inflict on us the way of life of your original country from which you ran away from.

THIS IS MY COUNTRY!! YOU ASKED ME PERMISSION TO RESIDE HERE, MAYBE FOR REASONS OF SANCTUARY OR AN IMPROVEMENT OF YOUR LIFE.

I welcome you to my country to join me, to become fellow citizens and brothers but I do not welcome those who wish to change my country or its way of life.

INTEGRATE, INTEGRATE, INTEGRATE!

If you feel our ways are obnoxious and unacceptable please feel free to return to your country of origin, maybe oil and water cannot mix but I can still be your friend.

Harvey's Training I & II

Well, the little chap has had two lessons now.

The first lesson was mainly registration, paying the course fee and a little social introduction to the other dogs/bitches enrolling. The course is organised and run by Sandra Armitage with her assistant Jerry, another lady who takes some of the drills and operates the water bottle when some of the trainee dogs get a little out of hand! There are all breeds and sizes of dogs with Harvey being the cutest and smallest of the lot. Viv, SWMBO, is handling Harvey, I'm supervising as usual (posh word for sitting and watching). So off they go, marching around the church hall, basically nose to tail, to the sounds of "Heel, heel" and "Sit, sit". Of course to Viv's embarrassment Harvey has a poo right in front of the instructor. After the cleaning up operation, off they go again, right about turns, left about turns. confusing the hell out of the dogs and handlers. Doesn't seem that long since we arrived and the class was over. Sandra's words ringing in our ears, "You have one week to practice.....".

Those of you who were in the army with me will recall George Young and Buller Kent, no doubt. Sandra is of the same ilk!

Well lesson two was more of the same. Plus the introduction of an ASBO Westie! Five minutes with Sandra and he was peeing all over the floor! All the dog troops paraded docilely around the hall, left, right, left, with a few halts and about turns. Then the posh Husky pooed!! What a smell and such a runny one. Clean up Ops. again. I've learned not feed Harvey near to class time. Again, Sandra repats her immortal words, " You have one week.....".

Unwanted Desirables

Being a totally biased Manchester United fan has nothing to do with this thread.

Why though is the former Prime Minister of Thailand, "The Doctor", owner of Manchester City, allowed to escape trial for using his ex-official position for financial and land fraud. He was due to appear in court, in Thailand, today but runs away to that soft sanctuary known as the United Kingdom, risking the loss and confiscation of his £800 million assets.

The Court of Thailand has issued a warrant for his and his wife's arrest. This man is not the usual asylum seeker seeking refuge/sanctuary so let's see our government acknowledge the arrest warrant and repatriate him to face justice in his own country. Or will Flash Gordon and his governmental colleagues bow to the "The Doctor"'s multi-billion wallet.

... and now

Well, completed my write up of our trip down the Iberian Peninsular, that's almost Wellingtonesque.

What next? What windmills to tilt at now, Sanchez? It's a bit too early to hibernate for the winter.

Harvey starts training school next week, our crossbred Jack Shit ( he's supposed to be a JackRussell/ Shih-Tsu cross), excuse the French.




Harvey and me

That's it, I'll make Harvey's schooling my next windmill.

Two to Gibraltar Part 10

Monday, 16 June 2008
Orleans – Calais Coquelles
Starting Mileage: 10173
Daily Total: 270
Finishing Mileage: 10443

To avoid the traffic in Paris we headed for Evreux to skirt round the west side. On the road to Calais met lots of English sports cars and anoraks that had been to Le Mans. Pity some of them had to imitate the track performances and speeds. They were soon roped in by the French gendarmes operating radar cameras and with motorbike chasers. Pulling into an “aire” we saw quite a few booked and some taken off the autoroute completely. On the spot fines and could there have been confiscation?

The Last Peage, Pas de Calais

The weather had been fine with one short shower but the morning had been extremely misty.

Tuesday, 17 June 2008
Calais Coquelles/Folkestone - Macclesfield
Starting Mileage: 10443
Daily Total: 261
Finishing Mileage: 10704

Left Calais Coquelles and after a short ride boarded the Eurotunnel train at 07.50. A quick train journey and we arrived at Folkestone at 07.25. (Times are local). A thirty-five minute journey and we arrived twenty-five minutes before we started.

I said farewell to John at Maidstone Services and followed the M25 north onto the M1. The traffic was still bad between Junction 6 to Junction 10. There were no problems with fuel on the motorway though there was no diesel or unleaded premium at the services on the A50, Kegworth side.

Arrived home, in Macclesfield, at 13.30. The weather had been fair all the way.

Conclusions

Statistics
Starting Mileage: 6948
Total: 3756
Finishing Mileage: 10704

Average Daily Mileage: 235

15 Days Riding;
1 Day Trip to Gibraltar;
2 Rest Days.

Pre-ride Services
We both had our bikes serviced any necessary consumables replaced prior to the ride.

Extra Kit
Both John and I used Air Hawk cushions on the seat of our bikes. In the past we had both suffered from the ‘numb bum’ syndrome after about two hundred miles riding. Fifteen days riding and neither of us suffered. Fully recommended.

Riding Gear
We wore full riding gear through out our journey. Through three days wet weather in France, a couple of wet days in Spain, low temperatures riding through the Pyrenees and the Massif Central and of course the hot days. We needed the full gear. No way would flip-flops, shorts and a flapping beach shirt have been comfortable or practical or safe. Prior to the trip we had wondered about having two sets of gear for the cool northern and the hot southern elements, eventually decided on our normal protective gear.

Spares & Tools
We didn’t take any extra spares for our bikes. We added Gerber Multi Tools and Swiss Army knives to the standard Burgman tool kits. We had also prepared and carried lists of Suzuki dealers and garages throughout France and Spain. There are hundreds of them and, as John found out, the little village workshops all over the place.

Fuel
Though there were fuel protests and some shortages in England, France and Spain we found that obtaining fuel was not too difficult. Though we were apprehensive during the ride as soon as we reached half tank we refuelled when possible.

Pre-Booked Accommodation
Both John and I appreciated having reserved accommodation. We have both experienced riding all day then having to search for the night’s accommodation and a meal, tired and maybe frustrated as the search sometimes stretched on and on.

We tried to start our ride, each day, as early as possible and aim to complete 250 miles approximately thus allowing us to finish about two or three o’clock.

Having a target mileage, depending on our riding stamina, sets the approximate location of our accommodation. Having reserved the accommodation we could then book in, take a shower and rest till evening, refreshed for the evening meal. This set us up for the next day’s ride.

Thoroughly enjoyable trip for two septuagenarians. Next year, who knows?

Two to Gibraltar Part 9

Saturday, 14 June 2008
Beziers – Clermont Ferrand
Starting Mileage: 9764
Daily Total: 218
Finishing Mileage: 9982

Left Beziers at 0745 arriving at Clermont Ferrand at 1400. Stopped off at a viewing point on the outskirts of Millau to photograph the famous Millau Viaduct.

Views of Millau

Alan

John

Weather – blue skies all day but very cold riding over the Massif Central, highest riding point 1100 metres. (3610 feet)

In the afternoon John took his scooter to a local shop. Rear wheel brake pads – one completely stripped, one extensively worn. Pleasant, knowledgeable young man replaced the pads and bled john’s brake system. €43 – not bad for immediate service on a Saturday afternoon.

Had dinner at a Chinese restaurant – Bamboo Garden, not very good food but the staff were very pleasant.

Sunday, 15 June 2008
Clermont Ferrand - Orleans
Starting Mileage: 9982
Daily Total: 191
Finishing Mileage: 10173

Father’s Day. On the road for 07.45am. Weather overcast and we soon ran into rain that continued all the way to Orleans. Arrived Etap Hotel at 12.15 to find the reception closed until 17.00 pm. The Etap “Checking In” machine was hors de service (out of service). Fortunately the rain had stopped and the sun came out to play! We sat on a bench outside Etap until 16.30 when the manager arrived. In no uncertain terms we let him know about the “machine” and he turned into the only Etap employee who didn’t understand one of English!! I had a go in French but it lost something in the translation. He disappeared into the hotel leaving us on the doorstep. He fiddled with something in his office and reappeared in the foyer to show us he had switched on the “machine” and we could now register. After several attempts to register, with his help mind you, we gave up. As it was only a few minutes to opening time, 17.00, we asked if we could enter the hotel and register at the desk. Definitely “Non, non!” So back to waiting on the outside bench.

Eventually he opened the hotel. As he could see we were not best pleased with him he decided a bit of reconciliation was required so he offered us free breakfast. Next morning I ignored the manager, curtly giving my room number. John being a little less curt told me how the manager was apologetic over our four and half hour wait for our rooms. Me, I was still totally p***** off with him.
Pleased though that my four lads had texted me “Happy Father’s Day”.

Two to Gibraltar Part 8

Wednesday, 11 June 2008
Alicante - Barcelona
Starting Mileage: 9218
Daily Total: 328
Finishing Mileage: 9546

Today is probably our longest riding day of our journey. Air Hawk really comes into its own over these distances. Good sunny day, only one heavy shower. Probably our most expensive day for motorway tolls/peage.

On arrival very disappointed that no secure parking on hotel site for Etap Hotel patrons. Site consists of Etap Hotel, Ibis Hotel and parking for Ibis patrons only. We parked our bikes in an unused corner of the car park, which was too small for a car.

Thursday, 12 June 2008
Barcelona - Beziers
Starting Mileage: 9546
Daily Total: 212
Finishing Mileage: 9758

Started 07.35 a.m. Through Barcelona the traffic was heaving, how do people commute like this every day? Initially we intended to avoid the motorways but due to many new, local roads not on the map we soon returned to them. We arrived at the border town of Le Perthus at 12.00 pm. The place was crowded – lunchtime for many tourists.

Continuing on the A9 the wind was tremendous and slowed us down to 40 mph on full throttle. Windsocks were flying horizontally. So difficult to ride and maintain forward momentum. I removed the laminar lip from my screen, seemed to help. Arrived at Beziers at 15.00 pm. Initially given a room on 3rd floor and no lift. After one trip upstairs the manager arranged for a ground floor room for me. The husband and wife managers arranged for a pizza take away for us. We were too shattered to travel out for a meal.

Etap Hotel, Beziers, France

Friday, 13 June 2008
Beziers (Rest Day)
Starting Mileage: 9758
Daily Total: 6
Finishing Mileage: 9764

Running short of cash we rode around and found an Auchan supermarket with a cash dispenser. Bought lunch and dinner. Prawn noodles for lunch, chicken curry with rice cantonaise (fried rice) and some nectarines and apples, for dinner. A spot of dhobi, then another day of rest – feet up and Euro 2008 on the TV.

Lost or Stolen

The MoD (Ministry of Defence) has lost 658 laptop computers, say £1,000 each works out at £658,000.

They have also lost 121 memory sticks, say £20 each works out at £2,420.

A mere £660,420!!

Back in 1958, in the army, I lost "towels, green, one", value old money five shillings, today's shekels - twenty five pence. For this the quartermaster sergeant intended recover the value of the towel from my pay, have me serve 28 days at Shepton Mallet (Army nick for really bad boys) and then have me castrated.

So are we to see 779 impoverished, emasculated MoD civil servants crowding our glass house?

No bloody way, the loss will be deducted from the budget of our poor lads serving in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Two to Gibraltar Part 7

Monday, 09 June 2008
Jerez de la Frontera - Granada
Starting Mileage: 8809
Daily Total: 172
Finishing Mileage: 8981

Today we made the return journey to Granada along great riding roads with the only problem of riding east into the early morning sun. A fairly easy day’s riding and we arrived back at Granada at 12.30 pm.

In the afternoon I had a little stroll along Carretera de Armilla. Mainly a shopping and industrial area. The street seemed extremely busy at all times.



Carretera de Armilla

I saw a scooterist riding along the busy street, helmet fliptop open, a cigarette in his mouth and in his left hand – a lighter. Frantically he tried to light his cigarette, with every flick of the lighter wheel the turbulence extinguished the flame. So comical, he didn’t realise he had no chance!

Small world – in the Ibis restaurant we met a couple from Nantwich, Cheshire. The husband worked for the local council and knew and worked on my street regularly. With more Euro 2008 football we dined on chuletta de cerdon (pork) and I tried the chocolatissimo for afters, very sweet and rich.

Tuesday, 10 June 2008
Granada - Alicante
Starting Mileage: 8981
Daily Total: 237
Finishing Mileage: 9218

A day of apprehension – the start of the HGV drivers petrol protests in Spain. The petrol station at the rear of the hotel was closed. We should have refuelled the previous evening. So with only half tanks of petrol we started out for Alicante. The plan was to use half of our remaining petrol then search for an overnight stop or open station. However only a couple of miles down the road we found an open service station complete with a nominal picket line, demonstrating rather than blocking access. After refuelling we decided to follow the motorways – more chance of petrol.




Aire Velez Rubio A92 N

Along the A7 the police had closed the motorway and for a few miles we followed a diversion through a little town – Albetta, this really confused Satnav Sally until we were diverted back onto the motorway. A car had been stopped in the middle of the motorway - a breakdown, run out of petrol, accident? It remained a mystery!

Though heavy rain had been forecast the weather we enjoyed wall to wall sunshine.

We arrived at Etap Hotel, Alicante at 14.30 pm. What a beautiful view of the Mediterranean, blue/green sea, light sands and tropical plants, with the bay sweeping around to Alicante town – all seen from our hotel.

View from Etap Hotel, Alicante



Across the bay to Alicante

In the evening John rode to the local service station to buy some engine oil. We managed to codge up a funnel but on opening the oil container it had a built in pouring tube so the codge up was redundant. My scooter had used less oil than John’s but needed a little oil. Must remember to carry a small funnel, as it is most awkward to pour the oil.

Another Cunning Plan Unveiled

“Prime Minister Gordon Brown has said more than 110,000 'problem families' will be targeted as part of government's action plan.

As many as 20,000 families could be evicted from their homes if they fail to control their children, Mr Brown said.”

So where does ‘Flash’ Gordon intend re-locating these 20,000 uncontrollable families?

Home Secretary Jacqui Smith told the BBC: "We can find new ways of helping to turn around those young people who are going off the rails."

Take a lesson from the animal world and see how successful the animal parents are at handling their young, they never have to resort to 'new ways', Jaqui!